When was the term unconditional love coined? Why has that idea of “unconditional” become so widespread that the expected, preferred, and higher way to love is to love but do it unconditionally?
The mind does tricky things with words that begin with “un.” Sometimes, our brain does not even see the “un.” We usually first see the word within words that begin with the prefix “un” because the opposition of the idea is being expressed. In English, adding the prefix “un” means that we seek to express the opposite; however, “un” usually implies that something is lacking.
Consider these words:
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Unclean (lacks cleanliness)
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Unhealthy (lacks health)
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Untrue (lacks truth)
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Unworthy (lacks worth)
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Unconditionally (lacks conditions)
So, to love unconditionally is a condition lacking love. The mind, therefore, strives to blend the idea of the oppositional word, in contrast, to make some sense of what is being said. If there are no conditions to our love for others, then there is no “unconditional” love because the conditions never existed.
It means I should love everyone no matter what they do. If a family member takes advantage of me and is suffering from mental illness or substance abuse, then I should unconditionally love them and invite them into my home and turn my back when they take advantage of me, right? I am really confused…don’t some professional therapists label this behavior as codependent love? Whoops! I’m not supposed to be codependent, but I am supposed to be unconditionally loving, right? Where is the precise line between unconditional and codependent love?
This is pretty confusing and creates all sorts of inner conflict, true? I am wondering if we even need unconditional love.
Here’s the point. Why do we need to modify the word love to make it bigger?—I believe love is big enough just as it is. The Beatles didn’t sing “All You Need is Unconditional Love.” The 60s anthem was not “What the World Needs Now is Unconditional Love.” Jesus didn’t say unconditionally love one another…he said,
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.” (John 13:34 King James Version)
Jesus was saying to love one another as God loves us.
Actually, you might be interested to learn that the term “unconditional” is never used in the Bible.
After contemplating this, I have decided to take the term “unconditional love” out of my vocabulary. Instead, I will simply just use and practice love—without any modification that lessens that precious “L” word.
I love you!
Ja-lene
Dad says unconditional love is loving someone and not expecting anything in return. Really can become confusing. I am so happy your writing again. Love you
Love you!