In 1997, I attended an event in Tulsa where I heard don Miguel Ruiz speak for the first time. It was before he became a best-selling author. Council Oak could not schedule a book signing for him because no one knew who he was then.
Council Oak had just published Beyond Fear: A Toltec Guide to Freedom and Love, and Amber Allen had published The Four Agreements, but neither book had sold more than a couple thousand copies. Instead of a signing, Paulette Millichap, the publisher at Council Oak, arranged for her friends and the Council Oak employees to hear don Miguel’s teachings. We had a small gathering of less than 20 people at the home of Paulette’s friend, located close to Gilcrease Museum.
The Great Smokey Mirror
Don Miguel was a short man with a big smile, captivating eyes, and thick, gentle Spanish accent. The one thing he spoke about that caught my attention took me years to understand fully. It was the Great Smoky Mirror teaching, interpreted by don Miguel from the Toltecs. When he talked about the mirror, it made perfect sense, but it also confounded me at the same time.
In his book, The Four Agreements, he wrote:
“This is what he discovered: Everything in existence is a manifestation of the one living being we call God. Everything is God. And he came to the conclusion that human perception is merely light perceiving light. He also saw that matter is a mirror—everything is a mirror that reflects light and creates images of that light—and the world of illusion, the Dream, is just like smoke which doesn’t allow us to see what we really are. The real us is pure love, pure light…’”
Don Miguel stated that every individual acts as a mirror for us and reflects something we need to see within ourselves. It took me six years to understand the essence of his teaching. I finally got it while I was editing and publishing The Toltec Prophecies of Don Miguel Ruiz, and I was able to apply it to my own life experiences.
Is it possible for me to believe that there are no victims in this world?
After meeting don Miguel, I realized that mirror metaphor is a universal concept that different teachers and authors reference. Some refer to it as the funhouse mirror, with the idea being that after reaching a plateau in our personal development, the funhouse mirror effects start to kick in and distort our perceptions. This effect can make things in your life appear exaggerated or distorted. For instance, with an actual funhouse mirror, people may seem closer or farther away than they actually are or appear to have two faces. However, that is just an illusion pointing us inward to a place we need to heal.
Although it seems complicated to accept, if we truly grasp this concept don Miguel was trying to express, we realize that when we take control of our lives and use our power wisely, we will no longer experience situations that make us feel helpless. By taking personal responsibility for all our life circumstances, we are no longer victims blaming others for our situations. And when we interact with others, we can remember that we each have our own individual, highly personal, great smokey mirrors to contend with that can cause confusion or division. Oddly, our reflections serve each other and can help both people grow beyond whatever is causing strife or indifference.
The Great Smokey Mirror is a challenging idea to apply to our everyday lives, especially when we witness suffering or the divisive nature of our world today. But if the world is a reflection of what is happening inside us, then we can also accept that we have the power to change our worldview, which, in turn, will forever change our perception of the world.
Pages 42-43 of the Toltec Prophecies of Don Miguel Ruiz by Mary Carol Nelson. Published when Ja-lene Clark served as Associate Publisher of Council Oak Books in 2003.
The Mirror of Self-Love
When I first left Council Oak and began to work freelance, a significant portion of my income came from conducting writer’s immersions—private, week-long writing sessions. Prior to each session, I signed a confidentiality agreement and cannot disclose the identities of the people I have worked with without permission.
I learned so much during my one-on-one sessions with writers. I realized that each of them faced unique challenges, and the focus of our work together was to help them overcome any resistance that was preventing them from effectively communicating their thoughts. Unfortunately, there is no guidebook that could have taught me how to handle this. It was a skill that I developed through experience and intuition.
During a session, I had the opportunity to work with a woman who was a singer and first-time writer. Despite being a well-traveled and fascinating person, she lacked confidence in her writing skills and struggled with self-doubt.
During our sessions, she made time to practice her music each day. She was passionate and confident while singing and performing, she was preparing for an upcoming performance, and was working on perfecting one song. I enjoyed the daily break from writing and seeing different facets of her. She was a new unconfident writer. As a singer, she loved being on stage! She was born to perform and did so amazingly. When she sang, she lit up and her confidence shined, and that was light years from the woman I had been sitting with who was hesitant about writing a sentence.
I had an idea. I asked her to start singing or speaking the text of her chapters so we could we videotape her discussing what she wanted to include in the book. This was a breakthrough! She loved being on stage and in front of the camera, so that was the place where she was most at home in her creative element. This practice of singing and being on camera helped her start to uncover her voice as a writer and build her confidence in this arena.
On the final day of our immersion, while I watched her practice the song she had practiced all week, I knew what would free her to write on her own once I left. I snuck out of the room and came back, hiding a mirror. When the pianist left, and she and I were alone, I asked her to sing the song one more time, a cappella.
I gave her the mirror and told her to sing the song while looking in the mirror and to replace the word “him” with me. The transformation was instant. I will never forget that moment. The song she had been practicing all week was from Jesus Christ Superstar. This was the song that Mary Magdalene sang about being with Jesus. It only took the first several words for her to “get it.” She sang to her own reflection the lyrics:
“I don’t know how to love ME.”
It’s true that one of the hardest things to do is self-love. But self-love brings confidence and confidence helps us believe in our own abilities and share what we have to offer with others. We live with that person who is looking back at us in the mirror every single moment. I know everything about me, and so I can’t hide from my sorrows, secrets, vulnerabilities, shame, woes, bitterness, and regrets. When we reconcile with ourselves and shine “love me” out into the universe, then our lives begin to transform. It must transform. Why? Because the things that were once reflecting back to us that were buried inside have vanished. No more smoke in the mirror, no more funhouse distortions, and new experiences abound.
Have you ever looked into your own eyes and felt love for you?
Stop for just a moment. Grab a mirror, then come back to this post and press the play button on Frank Sinatra’s song. Replace the word “you” with “me” or “I” as you hear the song. This is a simple, profound experience that will just take a moment to transform your world.
Brilliant! I absolutely love this! Reading it and listening to the music did wonders for my soul. Thank you for sharing.