The Nature of Maturity

What if everything we’ve been taught about “growing up” is subtly steering us away from our true power?

Kate Solisti, author of Conversations with Dog, offers a profound insight into canine behavior that extends far beyond our pets. She observes that, as our companions for millennia, dogs have been “entrained” into a perpetual state of puppyhood. Their core nature is hardwired to please—a role they fulfill with playful fetching, quirky fascinations, and that unmistakably adoring gaze, even when they’ve been “naughty.”

This human preference for childlike behavior in animals isn’t exclusive to dogs. Captive dolphins, too, adopt “puppy-like” antics to please, as if programmed with the mantra from The Hitchhiker’s Guide: “thanks for all the fish!” While wild dolphins thrive through communal hunting, their captive counterparts are subtly trained into a state of arrested development, much like domestic dogs. We seem to prefer this “toddler-like” innocence, inadvertently denying them the vital opportunity to learn adult consciousness from the elders of their wild pods.

As an American woman, I realize this widespread conditioning has shaped my own views. It’s not just about superficial tricks but about deeply rooted, centuries-old beliefs that women should stay “younger.” The relentless marketing for anti-aging products, the pressure to shed pounds, or consider plastic surgery reinforces this idea, and has created a multi-billion dollar industry that profits from our efforts to stay forever young.

This perpetuates the common, yet flawed, belief that women hold power only when young and attractive. But how can we genuinely feel content with ourselves if we’re constantly striving for a past version? The late Brenda Kinsel, in her transformative book 40 Over 40: 40 Things Every Woman Over 40 Needs to Know About Getting Dressed, confronted this head-on. She taught women to shift their gaze from perceived flaws to existing beauty, fostering renewed confidence. This practice is so crucial, especially for women in their forties, that Brenda dedicated an entire book to this vital issue.

The idea that youthful beauty equals feminine power is rooted in history. I believe this conditioning often keeps women from embracing, or even celebrating, maturity, pushing us toward that very “puppy-like” behavior. Now in my sixties, I celebrate the joy of maturity, embracing my years as a wise woman and grandmother without feeling pressured to look a certain way. A grandmother’s heart is her true beauty; her soul shines uniquely, radiating outward. While models of historically wise women—crones or grandmothers—exist, they are often so disconnected from our cultural stories that they are hard to relate to. For example, the Celtic legend of Sheila na gig, where a king gains power only by sexually pleasing this “crone” figure, is a stark reminder of how “unattractive” power in mature women can be misinterpreted or reimagined.

December 31, 2024. Ja-lene celebrates her 61st birthday with her children and grandchildren.

It’s time to transcend this ancient conditioning.

By recognizing the true nature of maturity, as exemplified by the collective wisdom of a wolf pack or a wild dolphin pod’s elders, we can realize feminine power not as perpetual youth, but as the rich, vibrant, and truly compelling joy of a fully realized adult woman.