Several years ago, my son was facing a brutal personal challenge, and I didn’t know what to do. The options for ways I could assist him were swirling in my mind, but honestly, I didn’t know what the “right” thing to do was.

So, I went into contemplation to ask for guidance, and Mother Mary came in. I clearly heard the most profound thing:

“If I can witness my son bear his cross, so can you.”

Wow! Now, that was quite a thought! And as I considered the idea of witnessing the cross more deeply, it became clearer to me. I looked back at the story of Jesus. I didn’t see much about Mary there. I had images from Hollywood movies, and that really wasn’t it. It became more significant as I imagined Mary and what she was teaching through her example about being a mother.

I considered Mary’s examples:

• She was there.
  

• She stood by.
  

• She didn’t pick up the cross and carry it for her son. That was for Jesus to do, and she respected this.
  

• She didn’t intervene — there is no written record of Mary going to Pontius Pilate and asking him to reconsider his verdict or sentence.
  

• Mary didn’t mettle.
  

• She did not rescue.
  

• She was simply there, present, loving, standing by.

This contemplation about Mary gave me such enormous comfort that day. It was huge, especially once I understood the mess was my son’s cross. I felt at peace and could be present with my son throughout his challenge. Only when asked did I offer advice. I did not scold. I listened. I was present. And he took care of the clean-up on his own.

Recently, I heard of a man who came upon a butterfly struggling to emerge from her cocoon. With earnest intentions, this man cut the cocoon open to free the butterfly so it would have an easier time emerging. Inevitably, though, the butterfly died. Why? It was too soon to fly, and the butterfly needed the struggle to strengthen her wings. She needed to find her way out of the cocoon in her own time and complete the metamorphosis when she was ready.

That is how it works for us, too; when we struggle, we get stronger. That is part of the plan. Struggles are simply crosses that offer us ways to learn, experience, get stronger, and grow. Everyone has their very own cross in life.

Once, I worked on a book about dogs and why we love them so much. One of the reasons is that when we are hurting, they know. They don’t bark solutions. Dogs sit with us, love us, and comfort us. We cry, and dogs don’t complain or tell us what to do or to be quiet. The example of a dog’s love shows us precisely what it is like to use Mary’s example and sit with someone while witnessing them with their own “cross.”

If you wish, contemplate the examples here from Mary, butterflies, and our beloved dogs. Each is an excellent model for our relationships. I will continue to explore Mary’s teachings on motherhood. Be present. Stand by. Comfort. Offer love. Be compassionate. I hope it helps you as much as it did me.